...the first place you look for missing items is the refrigerator...
...you often wakeup with strange indentations in your forehead (like the keyboard)...
...you remember 100% of the material you studied...but forgot to go class for the final exam...
...you begin a phone conversation with "Hi! Wait, did I call you or did you call me? Who is this?"...
...your side of a conversation mostly sounds like "I was...um...wait, what was I gonna say?"...
...you see a spider on your wall and envy his ability to move...
...you realize the spider on the wall is a figment of your imagination...
...people tell you to sit down before they give you GOOD news...
...you've never seen a full-length feature film all the way through...
...you've watched all your DVDs 100 times each, and still don't know how they end...
...you make your husband check for monsters under the bed and in the closet before bed...
...even though you were told it's just a story, you still believe Sleeping Beauty was real...
...you have more than an hour delay for memory retrieval...
...your wallet contains a card with a list of 250 "Reasons I'm Late For Work Again," plus one for leap years...
...you have more than 3 post-it notes on your bathroom mirror and one of them says "Don't forget to read your post-its"...
...you have ever forgotten your own birthday (or how old you are)...
...you've ever felt like you were in a time machine being transported two hours into the future at a time...
..."y-a-w-n" is a four-letter word in your house...
..."NIGHT is to DAY as SLEEP is to _____" is a completely unsolvable riddle...
...Santa Claus comes to your house around noon on Christmas, because that's when you're most likely to be unconscious...
...you can't ever answer the phone because you get so excited anyone bothered to call you, you can't seem to hold the reciever...
...you carry pamphlets in your purse describing the symptoms of Narcolepsy...
...you wear a bracelet that says "If I fell and appear unconscious, please read the pamphlets in my purse before saving me"...
...you carry a booklet that says on the cover, "If I am unconscious, go to page 1. If you saw me cross my eyes and drop slowly to the ground, go to page 2. If I am screaming about demons, read page 3...
...you wear a sign that says "If I pass out, go away"...
...page 1 says "I have Narcolepsy. One symptom is cataplexy, which you've just observed. Be patient and leave me alone, it will go away"...
...page 2 says "I fell asleep. I am unlikely to hear you screaming at me. Be patient and leave me alone, it will go away"...
...page 3 says "I'm not joking. This is a medical condition. I am having hallucinations. Be patient, it will go away. But don't make any sudden moves or I may slay you"...
...at the grocery store, you don't shop. Rather, you look for an abandoned cart full of food and take it to the checkout...
...back home, you have no idea why you bought cat food, since you don't have one, but realize you would have done so even if it WERE your cart...
...your spouse doesn't even comment about the cat food...
...your neurologist officiated your wedding...
...part of the wedding ceremony was an EEG to make sure you were consciously entering into matrimony...
...you have so much deja vu, you set up cameras in the house to record yourself...
...you miss the bus twice before work - while waiting at the bus stop...
...dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off...
...you multitask so well, you don't even remember doing it...
...the only appliances you are allowed to operate are the toaster and microwave - they turn themselves off...
...you wake up in a public place you don't remember being in, and your first thought is "I hope my undies weren't showing"...
...your will has a clause stating they have to hold your body for three days, just to be sure...
...your five year old tucks you in at night...
...when people tell you they are exhausted, you picture punching them in the face...
...you are friends with your hairdresser, your tailor, and the mattress salesman...
...the best the mattress salesman can do for you is a three year warranty, even though the manufacturer usually offers ten...
...you keep a pillow under the bathroom sink...
...when looking for a new home, you measure the distance from the toilet to the far wall. More than twenty inches is a deal-breaker...
...you've fallen asleep at a wedding. Yours...
...you've had at least one near-death experience involving food...
...you were on the Varsity Swim Team, but fear drowning in the bathtub...
...you don't know what a made bed looks like...
...you've ever been so tired you couldn't sleep...
...your children let you sleep in their room when you have a bad dream...
...your kids have ever told you to go take a nap...
...when sitting in public, you make sure to back against a wall and brace your chin. You know in eight seconds someone is going to be staring at your open, snoring mouth otherwise...
...your vet tells you your dog sleeps too much, and you tell him it's just the house schedule. You do everything together!...
...911 operators will only talk to your spouse. Too many false burglary charges...
...the local court has permanently taken you off the list of potential jurors and witnesses...
...your spouse has installed electronic locks on the doors, windows, and your car: and won't give you the access code...
...your boss gave you a drool blotter for your birthday...
...you have it written on the kitchen calendar, your dayplanner, in your BlackBerry, and on two post-its, but you still forget to pick Susie up at daycare. Daily...
...your spouse checks off the days on the calendar next to your bed so you know what day of the week it is...
...at the grocery store, you pick up an item you needed, only to find when you got home that you bought it (and used it) yesterday...
...people think you have no sense of humor because you never laugh at a joke...
...hunger has set in, but you won't go get anything to eat, because once you get up, you'll have to pee, and then you won't remember what you're doing...
...all your school reports are on Narcolepsy because that's the only subject you seem to remember and understand well...
...you've slept in ALL your friends' beds...
...when planning a long trip, you map out a nap plan instead of bathrooms...
...you keep deodorant in your bag or desk because you forget to put it on so often...
...you can't figure out why sleeping around is such a big deal. You've been doing it for years!...
...when timeout didn't work to discipline your kids, you threatened to go take a nap - and it worked...
...you are not delusional. You really ARE the King Noddingham!...
...you've ever sat down to pay the monthly bills, sent out the checks, and had them all returned - blank...
...you've ever told anyone in your dream that you don't belong there, you really need to get up for work, and could they please pinch you...
...you've ever asked your spouse or child if you've eaten dinner yet...
...the phrase "I have so much to do, I'd better take a nap" makes perfect sense...
...you've ever fallen asleep on a roller coaster...
...you've ever been paralyzed by a roller coaster (and there were no safety issues)...
...you have eliminated cheerful, dramatic, and funny people from your life for safety reasons...
...your company has established a nap policy - but you're the only one who got the memo...
...part of your makeup routine is painting eyeballs on your eyelids so they will think you're awake...
...the dog has given up and just taught himself to use the toilet and the treadmill...
...the idea of going to a Rest Home sounds like heaven...
...when you found out not everyone is paralyzed twice a week, you were surprised...
...in high school, you experimented with your friends with Ritalin, then you napped while they raised hell around town...
...after being prescribed amphetamines, you are pretty sure you have never actually been awake before...
...getting out of bed before lunch means you either had to pee or the house is on fire...
...you have time set aside for your morning, mid-morning, noon, afternoon, evening, and night naps...
...you've ever woken up with a tampon in your nose and your daughter tells you she was trying to stop you from snoring because she "couldn't get a wink of shut eye"...
...your four year old knows how to roast a turkey, do laundry and dishes, run her own bath, and put herself to bed...
...you start a sentence on one subject, and finish it on another...
...you've ever dreamt during a face-to-face conversation...
...counting pills isn't a way of packaging drugs, but of finding out if you took your morning dose or not...
...hearing voices is no longer considered strange...
...you still have an invisible friend. You're 40...
...you've ever answered the alarm clock or tried to set the phone...
...you keep an alarm clock in every room of the house...
...you have three alarms in your bedroom...
...anyone has ever woken you up in the bathroom...
...no one thinks it's strange anymore that you do crossword puzzles during morning meeting. How else are you going to focus?...
...you've traveled the world, fought monsters, and met Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and the President for dinner, and it only took three minutes...
...you've ever thought your cell phone was magical...
...you've come home from a hard day at work only to find it's not even 6am...
...a "night on the town" means a three hour cataplexy attack in the middle of the green...
...between picking up the phone and giving it to your spouse, you forgot who is on the other end...
...the exterminator has ever left a message on your machine that they do not handle giant insects or alien infestations...
...on your second pot of coffee, you're wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday, have a headache, messy hair, and squinty bloodshot eyes, but haven't had a drink in years...
...your car has an automatic pilot...
...a bottle of wine keeps you from slurring your words...
...you married your spouse because s/he is the perfect height for propping you up...
...you've ever used the grooves in the shoulder of the road as an alarm clock...
...you stop at green lights - regularly...
...instead of "Are we there yet?" everyone in your family always repeats "Are you still awake?"...
...your spouse invites a friend with the two of you for a weekend road trip so he has someone to talk to...
...when you arrive at your friend's house for a dinner party, she points out the sofabed she reserved for you...
...you have ever woken to find the remnants of cookies and milk on the counter you never ate - but you live alone...
..."I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep," is a perfectly acceptable excuse...
...you've ever offered a guest a cup of cake...
...the keyboard wristrest on your desk is actually for your forehead...
...you talk about "Going Floppy" and it has nothing to do with sex...
...you find your cordless phone in your bag, but not your cell...
...you have been told you have ADHD,epilepsy,MS or fibromyalgia in the past, and just as quickly were told you don't...
...someone has ever looked at you strange after asking you a question, and you realize you answered a completely different one...
...you get a cup of espresso with your late night dessert and still sleep like a baby...
...you've showed up for your appointment and they tell you it was yesterday...
...you've done the above more than once...
...you ask "Did I snore today?" while leaving the church or movie theater...
...family and friends know exactly what "the thing...I have to do something with the thing..." means...
...your hair is super clean because while taking a shower you couldn't remember if you'd shampooed yet or not...
...you've ever burned water...
...while contemplating what you want to eat for lunch, the microwave goes off, informing you the lunch you're making is ready...
AND THERE IS NO DOUBT YOU ARE A NARCOLEPTIC IF...
...everthing on this list makes perfect sense and you have more to add!*Compilation from Narcolepsy Network, Dreaming of Sleep and Yahoo Narcolepsy Group.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.